Learning Something New
by Theresa L'Anne
Summary: When Artemis babysits his twin siblings, he may just learn something. Oneshot Companion to There Are Some Things Magic CAN'T Heal.


**Learning Something New**

_Author: Theresa L'Anne_

A one shot of babysitting with Artemis

Companion to "There Are Some Things Magic CAN'T Heal"

Set After "The Lost Colony"

For Artemis the day started slightly less normal than usual. He woke to the annoying crying of his siblings. How his parents had come up with the plan to put them right next to _his_ room, he couldn't fathom. He'd always been a light sleeper; it was clearly absurd to put them there.

He sighed heavily and pushed himself into a sitting position. It was still dark outside and someone had to help the twins eventually. His mouth arched into a frown as the crying continued. Where was Juliet? With his scowl remaining on his face he stood and walked to the twin's room. What in the world could they want so early in the morning? He walked up to their crib. Now Artemis was intelligent, that was clear, but even after writing books, getting all his degrees, and many other important honors, Artemis could not, for the world of him, figure out what was wrong with his brothers. He leaned over the bed the two shared, and one stopped crying for a moment. _'That would be the quieter of the two, Beckett,' _Artemis thought. He started up again soon after seeing Artemis' scowl, much louder then the other however. _'Maybe Myles?' _he reconsidered. He couldn't tell the identical twins apart. From their brown hair, to their green eyes, all the way to their small, pale feet, they were completely identical.

Juliet rushed into the room. "Sorry, Artemis. I kinda dozed off." she stated with a smile. She'd been helping Mrs. Fowl to take care of them. Artemis nodded and left the room, resigned to the fact that he would get no more sleep that morning.

Artemis proceeded to walk to his study. He may as well get some work down. He was currently working on the time machine he'd started at St. Bartleby's. He hadn't been able perfect it before he'd been sucked off into Hybras. He intended to finish it now. His calculations were still off though. It could take days to fix. He sat in front of his computer scrolling down quickly and occasionally typing or deleting something. He sighed when he heard his mother creek the door open.

"Arty, dear," She began, "Can I come in?"

Artemis glanced up at her and nodded. She walked in, gracefully as she always did. "It's a nice day isn't it?" she said quietly. He nodded. "The birds just sing and sing and sing!" Angeline sighed contently. "Tonight Juliet has a match, doesn't she?" Artemis nodded again. "She's wonderful! Butler seems to be getting all too old too quickly." He nodded for the third time; he was used to her endless babbling by now. "Arty, you'll have to watch the twins today."

Now Artemis hadn't been paying much attention to his mother till now. "Both Beckett AND Myles?" he asked, incredulous.

"Juliet can't, and your father and I are going to a party. Have fun dear." She stood and swept out of the room leaving Artemis to his thoughts.

Artemis leaned his head into his hand. This was not good. Not good at all. He knew nuclear physics. Artemis could disarm most bombs, and he could win in a chess game any day, but he knew next to nothing about taking care of children. He could ask Holly, but she might not now anything either. He fingered the fairy communicator around his finger and sighed. It couldn't hurt to ask.

He pushed some buttons and soon Holly was on the other end. "Artemis!" She announced, and then frowning added, "By your look, I'm guessing this isn't just a social call. You didn't construct another cube did you?"

Artemis laughed and replied, "No. Nothing like that. I do need help though."

"The great Artemis Fowl asking humble, little me for help?" Holly asked mockingly, "You must be in real trouble!"

Artemis frowned. Was it real trouble? It might just be for him. "I have to baby-sit my brothers today, but -" He paused, hesitating.

"But?" prompted Holly.

"I don't know a single thing about child care." Artemis murmured, a blush appearing on his cheeks. There. It was done. He'd admitted it.

Holly laughed and then said, "That's it? Oh Arty!" she laughed some more.

A vein throbbed in Artemis' head. "My predicament can't be that humorous." He stated, with his usual arrogance. Then reverting back to his former tone, he asked, "Please tell me you can help?"

"Sorry, Arty." Holly replied when she had recovered from the laughter, "I have no expertise in that area. You're on your own this time."

Artemis sighed, "Very well then. I'll try someone else. Surely I know someone who knows something."

"I know!" Holly suddenly shouted, "Try Minerva. She had a younger brother, didn't she?"

Artemis started. Why hadn't he thought of that? "Yes, you are correct. She should know something of it."

"Glad I could be of some help." Holly said with a smile, "I hafta go now. It's time to get to work. Good Luck, Artemis." With that, she hung up. Artemis converted his communicator back to the ring size and got up to retrieve his cell phone from his room.

He didn't expect one of the twins to come running and crashing into him. The smaller boy fell to the floor with a thump and proceeded to begin spilling tears while Artemis looked down surprised.

He kneeled down to help the small boy back up. "Are you alright?" He asked concerned. The boy nodded, and rubbed at his eyes, before reaching up to latch onto Artemis.

"Thank yous, Arty!" He cried, smiling. Artemis put on a strained smile and tried to stand, but the little boy would not let go. "Pick me up, Arty! Pick me up!" He ordered happily. The older boy sighed and picked the boy up by the waist. _'Here begins my wonderful day.'_ He thought. "Wheee!!!!" The younger boy exclaimed. When Artemis put him down, the boy grabbed his hand. "Come play! Come play with me!" He tugged his older brother's hand. Artemis sighed and followed his younger brother, now reveled to be Myles, down the stairs.

Myles lead Artemis down to the twins play room where Beckett sat playing with their recently acquired Legos. "'Beckett!" Myles shouted, startling the boy and causing him to break his tower.

Beckett pouted and turned to Myles. "You broke my tower, Myles!!" He cried pointing an accusing finger at his twin. Artemis couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.

Directly following the spectacle, Juliet walked in and calmly stated, "Time for lunch boys." The two boys grumbled and stumbled out after the blonde wrestling star, leaving Artemis alone in their messy play room. He stood there for a minute before walking out of the room and closing the door behind himself. Artemis proceeded back up to his room and succeeded in grabbing his phone this time around. He opened it and quickly dialed Minerva's number, hoping that she would be able to help him with the predicament he found himself in.

"Hello?" A young voice asked. It was probably the boy of their household, as it sounded younger than Minerva.

"Hello," Artemis replied, "May I talk to Ms. Minerva Paradizo please?"

"Ummmm… Just a sec," the voice answered.

Soon a new voice appeared. "Hello? Who is this?"

"This is Artemis Fowl," he replied, "I need a favor."

The girl smirked verbally. "What kind of favor?" She asked smugly.

"I need advice on … child care." Artemis answered.

Minerva burst into fits of laughter. "You – need- help- with that?" She asked in her breaths between laughter.

"Yes. I really don't see what is possibly so amusing about this. Holly laughed as well," Artemis said coolly.

"It's just-" Minerva started, and was interrupted by her laughter again. "It's just – You can't just get advice for that kind of thing. You see, it's different for each child. They need different things." Minerva had calmed herself down at this point and was able to talk without interrupting herself. "You need to base it off of the type of children. You should know that at least. You have taken college psychology classes."

"Yes, I can understand that, but Minerva," Artemis stated, "You must understand. I don't even know the basics of child care."

"Then just do what your mother tells you. Surely she must leave at least a few instructions. The rest of the time you'll have to... improvise," Minerva advised, "You'll be fine. I'm sure. After all, you are a genius."

Artemis sighed. "Yes. Thank you anyway Minerva," He said before hanging up. "What am I going to do?" He asked himself.

-----------

Their parents left around 4:30. They were going to the party of some man Artemis didn't know. They three boys all lined up in the hall to see them off.

"Goodbye, dear. Make sure you take care of them. They have to eat by six or they start getting grumpy, and they have to be in their beds by 7:30 or they'll just drop where they stand. Make sure they eat everything and make sure there are vegetables with their dinner." Angeline smiled at Artemis, "I know you three will get along nicely."

She turned to the twin boys standing next to their brother. "You two be good for big brother Arty, all right?" They smiled small toothless smiles at her.

She left, dragging Artemis Senior behind her saying, "Have fun dears!"

-----------

The night began with a demand for a movie and cookies. Artemis protested for the cookie part. Surely it wouldn't be a good idea to give them cookies before dinner. "But mommy always does!" Myles whined, tears beginning to creep up to his eyes. Artemis glanced at Beckett who stood back at the entrance to the kitchen staring at his brothers.

He shook his head and stated firmly, "Maybe after dinner, but I do not believe that even our mother would be so off the wall as to give three year-olds cookies before dinner." The boy in front of him began to cry and scream. Artemis had learned quickly that Myles was most definitely the most persistent of the two. Following the first time he'd refused to give them cookies, he'd found the boy trying to climb on his brother to get the cookie jar off the counter.

"Now go sit down and watch the movie with Beckett," he commanded with a softer voice this time. In the short amount of time, he'd also learned that any sort of loud voice involving his name would force Beckett into a fit of tears. "I need to figure out what to make." He muttered to himself.

This was his biggest worry at the time. Artemis had no experience with cooking, other than the one time he'd made a sandwich for Mulch, and even that had gone horribly wrong. His cooking skills would not be nearly up to par with Juliet's. He searched through the kitchen once the twins had left to the family room and started their movie. He found a note from Juliet on the counter. It read:

_Oi! Arty. I know you're going to need help with dinner tonight. I left yah a few tips and such. The hamburger is defrosted, so go with somethin' simple. There are a few hamburger helper boxes in the pantry. You know your mother, always keeping something from the lower class families' around to try. Go ahead and use one of those. Follow the instructions exactly and nothing too disastrous should happen. Good Luck!_

_Juliet_

Artemis walked over to the huge pantry, praying that he wouldn't have to go through the entire thing before finding the boxes he was looking for. His mismatched eyes scanned each box quickly and carefully. He glided over anything that was not rectangular. He had gone through half of the second shelf when he found one. It had a picture of noodles and hamburger on the front. It would work.

Artemis looked at the clock. It was five. He still had an hour and a half before dinner was due. Right then he remembered that his mother wanted vegetable as well. Sighing, he wondered if there were some that could be made quickly and simply like the meal he'd found.

He stared around the kitchen, hopelessly lost as to where he could find any vegetable. He sighed as he realized this was a second thing he knew next to nothing about. It would take some getting used to. His eyes fell on the fridge. Good a place as any to start looking. Now as you know, the Fowls weren't any normal rich family. They were billionaires, thanks largely in part to Artemis. Their kitchen was huge. Their pantry was roughly the size of a privately owned convenience store. They had tons of floor and counter space, so, naturally, their fridge was a nice size as well. Unlike most of ours, it is not attached to their freezer. Of course, if he were us, Artemis would know right where the vegetables were, yes?

Artemis rummaged through the fridge; he looked in every corner, every crack. He came up empty handed. Where could the vegetables possibly be? Juliet had said nothing about them. Sighing he sorted through the freezer, which was about the size of our fridges. Once again, he came up with nothing. Sighing he proceeded to the place he'd found the "Hamburger Helper", as Juliet had called it, and proceeded to the section of cans. He'd found out, recently, that the lower the class, the more circular their containers were. It was an interesting theory, but no where near being the truth. Yet it was worth going through the canned stuff they had. Most of it was soup, but near the bottom of the third to last shelf, Artemis found green beans. A small smile appearing on his face he took one can and left the pantry, locking it securely. He took the hamburger from the fridge and found a skillet in the cabinets and began to brown the hamburger. He figured browning it meant exactly as it sounded. So he would make the meat brown.

Once he was down with that he set the meat aside and took a pot out of the same cabinet he'd found the skillet in and added some water. He set it on the stove and began to boil it. As it boiled, Artemis figured he could go check on the twins. He peeked quietly into the front room and saw the twins sitting peacefully watching The Road to Eldorado. He was about to turn around when he saw Myles playing with something. It looked familiar, as the younger boy was about to put it in his mouth, Artemis recognized it. His communicator and it seemed to be on. "Myles, stop!" He shouted and rushed to stop the boy. He snagged the communicator out of his brother's mouth which, to his dismay, caused Myles to cry. "Hush," He whispered, trying to calm the boy down, "It's alright. I'm not too mad. Just don't stick unfamiliar things into your mouth. It might make mother worry." The boy nodded, but still continued to cry. Artemis stood up, sighing, and returned to the kitchen. He found a towel to wipe the slobber off of the communicator, but stopped when he saw who was on the other end.

Artemis groaned at the smirk on Foaly's face. "So," the mocking began, "Arty's taking care of little kids now. And he can actually be kind?! Shocker. A tip, Arty. Keep your things out of their reach, they seem to be on the same track as you. Looks like we'll have two more genii to keep a watch on." The centaur hung up on him after that, impatient to spread the news. The genius sighed and placed the communicator in his pocket. He looked up to see smoke coming from the pot. He stumbled over to it and hurriedly dumped the noodles from the bag into the pot.

When the noodles were all in the pot, Artemis read on in the directions. After the noodles were tender he was to drain the water. He walked to the doorway leading to the family room, or the one the twins were in. He watched a small part of the movie. It seemed one of the characters was about to leave. He allowed his mind to wander. A few years ago he would have considered exploiting that city. Sighing, he went back into kitchen and checked the noodles. They were close, so he simply waited. When they were finally finished, he drained the noodles in a strainer that Juliet had "carelessly" left out. He then dumped the meat, that was luckily still warm, in the pot and add the cheese. Then he brought over the noodles and mixed them in. After that he put the green beans in a glass serving bowel and put it in the microwave, because they may be rich, but they still own a microwave. He took it out after the first beep and set it on the counter next to the stove. He stepped back once it was done, and looked over his first attempt at a real meal. It didn't look half bad.

"Myles!! Beckett!!" Artemis called, "Dinner's ready." Now was the test. Would his creation stand up to the twin's tastes? He filled three bowels, half with hamburger helper and half with green beans, and carried them out through the doorway to the dining room.

Myles wrinkled his nose and asked, "What is it?" He asked, disgusted.

Artemis sighed before answering, "It's a meal mother had in tucked away. Just eat it please." He himself took a deep breath before taking a bite. It wasn't half bad, but it wasn't the best; it had a cursory taste to it. They were finished in about half an hour. Artemis looked at the clock. It was about 6:30, which was just about right.

"There is still an hour before you two must go to bed." Artemis stated to the two boys, "You bathed before mother left. What do you normally do now?"

"We go -" Beckett began, but was interrupted by Myles.

"I want a cookie!" he shouted, "You said after dinner Arty!" Artemis sighed, he should have figured that would be coming. He nodded and went into the kitchen and retrieved two cookies for the boys. He handed them to Myles and Beckett and repeated his question.

"We go-" Once again Beckett was interrupted by Myles.

"We play!" He declared, "You have to play with us Arty!" He grabbed the older boys pale hand and dragged him along leaving Beckett behind. The other didn't stay behind for too long. He bounded after them in a second.

"Arty!!" Myles shouted, when they'd reached the boy's playroom. "Let's play this!" He pointed to a strange, misshapen box. It seemed to have been left out and stepped on often. The younger boy ran and picked it up. Once Artemis saw it, a quirky smile appeared on his face. His brother had the oddest tastes in games. The game was one you may be familiar with. It was the fame of Life.

"Alright," he consented. Beckett finally waddled into the room, and the three brothers sat down to play.

The game took a little over forty minutes to finish the game. Myles had one with Beckett close behind. Artemis had been left in the dust. He had bad luck when it came to spinning. He'd ended up in Country Acres rather than Millionaire Estates. At the end the two younger boys seemed to be yawning and laughing at the same time. Artemis wore a pleasant smile as he ushered the boys up to their room. He put them to bed, turned out the light, and went back to clean their playroom.

He spent the rest of the evening in his lab, trying to work on his time machine, but failing miserably. Sighing, he stood up and left the lab. He heard a car pull up and assumed that it was his parents. He hastened down the stairs to greet them. His father entered carrying his mother.

The older Artemis looked at his son. "How'd the babysitting go?" He quietly asked the younger.

Artemis Jr. smiled and replied, "Fine, yours?"

His father almost laughed at the rare joke. He was able to restrain it, though, and answered, "It could have been better. Good night son. Get a good sleep. Tomorrow will be another long day." Artemis followed his father into the house. He proceeded to his bedroom and got prepared for bed. Finally, after his long day, he was able to sleep. He feel asleep immediately and did not wake until the sun had risen entirely the next morning.

_A/N: Yes, I AM alive! Was this any good? At all? Please review. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this. I know it's probably not the best, but I did my best. Well, see ya' around!_

_- Theresa L'Anne_


End file.
